Friday, September 9, 2011

Full Disclosure- Me Getting Raw

Warning: This is a little different from my normal blogs about raw food.
 This is me getting raw instead.

When I originally picked the title Getting Raw for my blog, it was really planned to be about me- getting raw, as in stripping away the old lifestyle habits and getting real and authentic with what it takes to recover from poor health. At the center of this transformation was what it takes to make a lasting transition to a real and raw food lifestyle but it also was supposed to be about all the revelations, lessons and changes that go along with it.

But then I chickened out.

I have been sharing in a private setting, on Raw Food Rehab for a couple of years now and encouraged by others there, decided to expand the scope and make a more complete journal type of blog. It takes a lot of courage to be transparent on the internet and I backed off. I haven't felt that I have set out to do what I really wanted. I've been holding back.

I have been hiding a serious health issue and haven't been ready to share about it. There is not much hopeful information on the internet about what I have. With recent developments and a new treatment program, I decided that maybe others might benefit from reading my full story as it unfolds, even better if I can make the recovery I am hoping for.

But don't worry if you have been here for the recipes. 
I will keep sharing those too.

So here I am... Getting Real and Getting Raw:

Here I lie, sick to my stomach. It’s been a whole day of this now and it has taken over my thoughts. I feel terrible! My stomach is gurgling. I feel faint, clammy and nauseous. My stomach starts to wretch again and I try to throw up, desperate for relief but nothing. Instead I just slump to the floor into tears. No relief. The room and my head are both spinning and all I want to do is cry for some uncontrollable reason. It seems crying is all I can do at this moment to relieve the stress.

What have I done to get here? I know.

It has been a week since I started with this TMJ (actually called TMD) treatment. This is an attempt to relieve some of the debilitating symptoms of CFIDS/FMS, which my doctor and new dentist believe is linked to my advanced case of TMJ. They feel my life will dramatically change with this correction and since for five years I have been without other viable options, I have decided to give it a shot.

I wear two orthotic splints in my mouth both night and day. It is annoying and uncomfortable and besides making me drool at night and talk funny during the day, it is also wearing on my nerves. Despite the purpose of one of them in aiding my sleep, I have not been sleeping at night at all, sometimes awake for 24 hrs at a time. I know part of my emotional instability right now is from sleep deprivation. I can see why this is a great form of torture. Sleep deprivation and the food situation.

Ahhh yes- the food situation:

I was told to not chew- anything. A “no chew” diet. I thought I could handle this. Just drink smoothies, some juices and maybe have some soup. I can do that. I have wanted to do that for quite a while now. A raw food diet has been the only other way I have heard of people successfully recovering from CFIDS/FMS.

But it’s much easier said than done.

I started out okay having my smoothies, making a raw soup here and there and then I just got hungry- like really hungry! I hadn’t planned enough before hand and with limited calorie consumption ended up in desperation trying to chew instead. 

But guess what? I can’t!

Not even relatively soft foods. Even if I remove this device (which I’m not supposed to do) it’s like my teeth don’t work properly anymore. The jaw is already on the move. So I reverted back to the softest of soft foods- soft SAD (Standard American Diet) foods, thinking they would satisfy this hunger. 

I’ve eaten things like mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, ice cream, frozen yogurt and even pancakes. UGH! All I have done is upset my system and make myself miserable. All these processed carbs- no wonder my blood sugar is swinging from the chandeliers, leaving me with the shakes in a heap in the corner. My insulin must be on a roller coaster! Not to mention this strange feeling of being drugged. There is no question in my mind right now that processed carbs are a drug.

Bottom line- Yes- I have done this to myself. It has only been a week and this TMD treatment could last a year. It’s time to come up with a better plan of eating and coping with life in general.

Without a doubt, if I choose to do this right, this next year could be a life changer.

I have much to think about but from where I sit right now, it is clear that tomorrow is the start of a serious cleanse. Back to juices, smoothies and soups, an All liquid diet.  

I CAN do this!

Thriving instead of Surviving, an idea whose time has come.


Mouq said...

You are right, you CAN do this. Stay on the path, get back on the path when needed and you'll find what you are looking for. Meditation is my solace :) That mouth thingy - I wouldn't like it either. That too shall pass. xo ya! Like your blog too.

Jodi~GettingRaw said...

Thank you for your comment and your support! Interesting that you mention meditation. Just this week I have been starting a meditation practice. I know it will be greatly beneficial! take care!

Treesa said...

You're right Jodi, it is time to thrive! Sometimes I think the hardest part about a hardcore healing journey is loving ourself enough to go the distance. I know this has been a big hang up for me on my own healing journey.
Remember your Butterfly Manifesto and carry the strength of it with you. This truly is the time to move from surviving to thriving.
I believe in you. Your RFR family is by your side, always! All love...

Jodi~GettingRaw said...

Thanks Treesa. I feel like I'm finally ready to make the necessary changed stick. Your support means so much!

Marjorie said...

Well nothing worth having is ever easy... you KNOW what to do! its the application that is difficult. Baby steps. Dr.Fuhrman will attest to the fact that a few cooked veggies and soups are okay! Go to Traders and get the boxes of Organic soups that are delicious and some fabulous whole grain breads to get soggy in your yummy soup! Almond milk shakes, etc. I support your hard work! Love you, Marjorie

Antony said...

Hi Jodi - I have found almond or cashew smoothies (leaving the pulp in) with dates and bananas to be very satisfying when I feel hungry living on liquids. Well worth a try. Wishing you every success with working this out. Antony x

Jodi~GettingRaw said...

Thanks Anthony! Funny you said that because first smoothie I made yesterday morning was a banana, almond butter and cacao- my favorite! So true, it is more filling. Thanks for your advice and for reading!

Jodi~GettingRaw said...

Hey Marjorie- just noticed my response from yesterday to your comment did not post here- weird!
Thanks for your support. I know if I keep at it, it will come. Sort of like swimming, eventually you have to reach the other side- right? (unless you are swimming in circles- nevermind! lol!) I'll get there but found out yesterday that the little melt down I had all made sense.

bitt said...

wow, thanks for sharing and being honest. i feel for you, as I have bad TMJ too. I have used some mouthguards but not heard of the treatment you describe. do you mind emailing me more info about it?
if you get a chance.

Maybe a raw pudding or chia pudding might be more filling? Or I take smoothies and add chia to them to make them thicker. I would miss chewing too. So hard sometimes to do these things that might help us but don't feel good in the present. hang in there.

Jodi~GettingRaw said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jodi~GettingRaw said...

Hi Bitt, thanks for commenting. I will email you directly as well but wanted to share that the connection between TMJ/D and CFIDS/ FM is common. They say that most people have both but which comes first- and which affects which more- that's what I found interesting. I am digging more into this and am meeting with my dentist and chiropractic doc this week. I want to clarify somethings before I share it. I will post another bit about it soon- like by this weekend. Thanks as always for the support!

Ps: I had to erase my previous response- iPhone auto correct had a field day and I posted before I caught it! :-p


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