Warning: This is a little different from my normal blogs about raw food.
This is me getting raw instead.
When I originally picked the title Getting Raw for my blog, it was really planned to be about me- getting raw, as in stripping away the old lifestyle habits and getting real and authentic with what it takes to recover from poor health. At the center of this transformation was what it takes to make a lasting transition to a real and raw food lifestyle but it also was supposed to be about all the revelations, lessons and changes that go along with it.
But then I chickened out.
I have been sharing in a private setting, on Raw Food Rehab for a couple of years now and encouraged by others there, decided to expand the scope and make a more complete journal type of blog. It takes a lot of courage to be transparent on the internet and I backed off. I haven't felt that I have set out to do what I really wanted. I've been holding back.
I have been hiding a serious health issue and haven't been ready to share about it. There is not much hopeful information on the internet about what I have. With recent developments and a new treatment program, I decided that maybe others might benefit from reading my full story as it unfolds, even better if I can make the recovery I am hoping for.
But don't worry if you have been here for the recipes.
I will keep sharing those too.
So here I am... Getting Real and Getting Raw:
Here I lie, sick to my stomach. It’s been a whole day of this now and it has taken over my thoughts. I feel terrible! My stomach is gurgling. I feel faint, clammy and nauseous. My stomach starts to wretch again and I try to throw up, desperate for relief but nothing. Instead I just slump to the floor into tears. No relief. The room and my head are both spinning and all I want to do is cry for some uncontrollable reason. It seems crying is all I can do at this moment to relieve the stress.
What have I done to get here? I know.
It has been a week since I started with this TMJ (actually called TMD) treatment. This is an attempt to relieve some of the debilitating symptoms of CFIDS/FMS, which my doctor and new dentist believe is linked to my advanced case of TMJ. They feel my life will dramatically change with this correction and since for five years I have been without other viable options, I have decided to give it a shot.
I wear two orthotic splints in my mouth both night and day. It is annoying and uncomfortable and besides making me drool at night and talk funny during the day, it is also wearing on my nerves. Despite the purpose of one of them in aiding my sleep, I have not been sleeping at night at all, sometimes awake for 24 hrs at a time. I know part of my emotional instability right now is from sleep deprivation. I can see why this is a great form of torture. Sleep deprivation and the food situation.
Ahhh yes- the food situation:
I was told to not chew- anything. A “no chew” diet. I thought I could handle this. Just drink smoothies, some juices and maybe have some soup. I can do that. I have wanted to do that for quite a while now. A raw food diet has been the only other way I have heard of people successfully recovering from CFIDS/FMS.
But it’s much easier said than done.
I started out okay having my smoothies, making a raw soup here and there and then I just got hungry- like really hungry! I hadn’t planned enough before hand and with limited calorie consumption ended up in desperation trying to chew instead.
But guess what? I can’t!
Not even relatively soft foods. Even if I remove this device (which I’m not supposed to do) it’s like my teeth don’t work properly anymore. The jaw is already on the move. So I reverted back to the softest of soft foods- soft SAD (Standard American Diet) foods, thinking they would satisfy this hunger.
I’ve eaten things like mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, ice cream, frozen yogurt and even pancakes. UGH! All I have done is upset my system and make myself miserable. All these processed carbs- no wonder my blood sugar is swinging from the chandeliers, leaving me with the shakes in a heap in the corner. My insulin must be on a roller coaster! Not to mention this strange feeling of being drugged. There is no question in my mind right now that processed carbs are a drug.
Bottom line- Yes- I have done this to myself. It has only been a week and this TMD treatment could last a year. It’s time to come up with a better plan of eating and coping with life in general.
Without a doubt, if I choose to do this right, this next year could be a life changer.
I have much to think about but from where I sit right now, it is clear that tomorrow is the start of a serious cleanse. Back to juices, smoothies and soups, an All liquid diet.
I CAN do this!
I CAN do this!
Thriving instead of Surviving, an idea whose time has come.